the perfect circle
you close your eyes and i tell you about the time
i was sinking so fast, so heavy
in water so clear that i could see the bottom before i hit it
and how it felt like falling asleep. if you shut up
and listen closely then you’ll hear
the circular truth of the story. but instead you
want to open your eyes to study me properly
because you don’t understand that the act of witnessing
is what kills cats
and collapses wave functions.
i wanted the mystery to stay alive for just a little longer.
see, there’s a fear
in every animal’s eyes, love.
prey fear, predator fear. it’s all the same fear, really,
there’s no difference at the end of the line,
at the bottom of the lake.
is that what the unreliable narrator told you?
did you ignore her and choose your own ending?
i swim in that ocean of thoughts, for
i’ve made my lakebed and now i must lie in it.
as you tuck me in i tell you how
i wanted to be part of something bigger.
you tell me that i just wanted to be something bigger.
not a word in the sentence or a drop in the sea, no,
a herald, a synecdoche. it makes me laugh.
that ending of yours—was it happy, was it clean? tell me all about it
but don’t spoil the last line.
it doesn’t exist until i hear it. something about
trees in forests and how they fall, something about
electron interference, something about
orpheus. i know none of those things are the same kind of thing
but that’s the point, love.
did they ever figure out how klein bottles work?
well, yes, there’s an equation—but really now,
there are better questions. is it sisyphean, or ouroboran?
i was sinking so fast, so heavy
in water so clear that i could see the bottom before i hit it
and it felt like waking up. the sun was still
8 minutes behind, so the day belonged to me alone
for one small, spectacular moment.
you once asked me what i am racing against. it’s nothing
so banal as time, nothing so pointless as the
push and pull of the tide.
i am only running far enough ahead
to foreshadow myself
because i’ll be damned if someone else’s light touches me first.
prey fear, predator fear. everything is the same,
nothing is the same,
are you sufficiently confused? have i won?
is the story mine, now?